Prophecies and Prophets: A Meeting of Minds

We're a group of esteemed seers and sages, here to share our visions of the future with you.

Our prophecies range from the mundane to the apocalyptic, covering all topics from the rise and fall of civilizations to the fate of your cat's hairballs.

Meet Our Prophets:

• Prophet Zarquon - Spews forth prophecies of impending doom and gloom, with a special focus on the end times.
• Prophet Balthazar - Predicts the rise of the machines, and the machines they will rise against.
• Prophet Kalendathotz - Forecasts the future of fashion, with a focus on trends that are sure to never, ever happen.

Our Prophecies:

• Prophetic Utterances of the Ancient One - A collection of cryptic messages from the past, meant to confuse and bewilder.
• Doomsday Preparations - Tips and tricks for surviving the impending apocalypse, from hiding from zombies to hiding from your in-laws.